Choose Your Post-Apocalyptic Survivors

OK, so someone has dropped the ultimate nuclear weapon/imported killer aliens/unleashed a killer virus that makes everyone zombies. There are precious few of you left and you have to make your way to safety. Which three awesome women are in your group of survivors?

My pick:

Alice from the Resident Evil series. Especially since, with every movie, she becomes a bit more indestructible. Come to think of it, I wouldn’t be put out if Jill or Claire were there, which brings me to…

Anything Michelle Rodriguez has been in. I’d be happy with Rain from Resident Evil, Diana from Girlfight, Letty from that stupid car franchise, Trudy from Avatar. If this wasn’t about fictional characters, I’d take Rodriguez herself.

Selena from 28 Days Later.

Your picks?

The Academy: old white dudes

Finally, here’s a study to document what we all kind of suspected: the Oscar Academy is a bunch of old white dudes.

According to a study conducted by The Los Angeles Times, the Academy, which boasts 5,765 members, is 94 percent Caucasian and 77 percent male. Only 14 percent of the Academy is younger than 50, and as for its minority voters: Only 2 percent are African-American, while 2 percent are Latino.

Let’s translate those percentages into numbers.

  • 5,419 white people.
  • 4,439 men.
  • 1.324 women.
  • 4,958 over 50.
  • 115 black people.
  • 115 Latin@ people.

Hardly a diverse group. But remember what everyone told me when I was working in film? It wasn’t Hollywood that was racist, oh, gosh no, they loved the whatevers, bless them, but it was the audience, that disgusting collection of foul-breathed knuckle draggers, who forced poor progressive Hollywood to put white dudes at the center of every film ever, unless it was some freaky-ass niche movie about girls loving shoes or blacks being in gangs or something. And the reason so few women or minorities got anywhere in film wasn’t racism, oh heavens no, it was that women and minorities weren’t really interested in making fabulously huge salaries for doing something they loved. No, gosh, they preferred working in the back end of the accounting office without windows.

The Academy president and governor acknowledge the problem in the above-linked article, stating that the Academy “mirrors a very white industry” and “If the industry as a whole is not doing a great job opening up its ranks, it’s very hard for us to diversify our membership.”

But it’s not just a “very white” industry we’re dealing with. It’s a very white, male and old-fashioned industry. It’s an industry centered on a group of people who remember – often fondly, or at least not with sadness or righteous indignation – when “women cops” and “women lawyers” and “women doctors” were creatures you rarely saw in the wild, and it was okay to promote a man over a more qualified woman, or a white over a more qualified person of color, because “the clients don’t want to deal with [your group].” Some of them long nostalgically for those days, and as with the general populace, a small amount of the virulently despise certain groups, and use the power they have to shape a vision of a culture where those groups play only supporting roles for Mr. Whitey and His Delusions of Grandeur.

It’s not the audience that forces Hollywood to avoid diversification. After all, the audience demographics have shifted significantly in recent years (growing numbers of Latin@s, proof that women buy 55% of movie tickets, etc.), but movie demographics have remained doggedly the same. It’s Hollywood that doesn’t want to diversify, and the reason is simple: it’s run by the absolute most privileged group in our society, and everyone resists giving up privileges. These people are not going to yield until something big happens – like, the industry failing, and someone somehow managing to prove that diversification might save it and return huge profits.

But how can anyone prove it, when movies featuring anyone but Mr. Whitey are sabotaged by budget or marketing shortfalls? How can we prove it when every female/minority movie success gets treated as an isolated phenomenon that doesn’t indicate these movies could be successful as a group, yet on the other side, it’s the white male movie flops that get treated as unique occurrences that don’t reflect a lack of audience interest in white males?

How do you get past such a massive case of confirmation bias?

Choose Your Four Quizmates

OK, so you’re going to a quiz night and you have to choose four women to form a kick-ass team to win with. This is a bit different from the past Choose Your Companions challenges, because you don’t have to particularly like these women. They can be absolutely loathesome – have Bellatrix LeStrange, if you can justify her – if they can bring to the table a worthy field of knowledge (or knows how to cheat and get away with it).

And the reason for four instead of three? Carnegies – the pub in Perth, not the music hall in New York – has a table limit of five at its quiz nights. Hence, you and four quizmates.

My picks:

Rachel Berry from Glee. Normally, I wouldn’t so much cross the road to avoid her as detour two suburbs, but man, would she own the music round.

Dr. Temperance ‘Bones’ Brennan from Bones. The woman is rarely at a loss for an answer.

Amy Farrah-Fowler from The Big Bang Theory. Because she possibly knows more even than Bones. And she doesn’t drink, so she can be our sober sister. (Though it’s debatable that she drives…)

Scarlett O’Hara from Gone With the Wind. She’s smart, loves to win and isn’t above cheating if the odds are good that she can get away with it. I’m sure it wouldn’t take us long to teach her how to use Google and a smart phone…

Choose Your Female Posse

We all know that all women are bitches who will screw each other over for their own gain – especially when men are involved. They steal each other’s boyfriends and husbands, undermine careers, sabotage weddings. Yeah, right. So this week’s challenge: choose three girlfriends, the kind you know will always have your back (rather than stab it with a knife), will bail you out of jail (or be in the cell with you, laughing about what great fun you had), will encourage you to succeed (even when your success surpasses her own), is the first one you think of when you fancy some company. Because she’s so fun and loyal (more so than any of the men you know).

The rules: While we’re going to gravitate towards women who demonstrate loyalty, support and interest towards other women, no using characters where the  friendship is central to the story. For example, I like Sydney’s friendship with Francie and then Nadia in Alias, but the show was hardly Syd and her Gal Pals. But the whole point of Sex and the City (and no, we are not going to debate the quality of their ‘friendship’ here) was the women’s evolving friendship. I have better things to do than sit here and judge everyone’s contribution, but try and stick to the spirit of the rule, please :p

My picks:

Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter. For all her supposed dottiness (which I always thought was more whimsy than anything) she’s sweet and loyal, and everytime I take one of those ‘which HP personalities are you?’ quizzes, I get Luna. We’d get along great.

Corinna Chapman from Kerry Greenwood’s series. Yes, her primary relationships are with Daniel and Jason, but I always felt she was the hub of that apartment block for her easygoing personality, generosity and complete lack of anomosity towards anyone (at least, no-one who didn’t thoroughly deserve it). Plus, she’d always have a plate full of yummy bakery items.

Brittany Pierce from Glee. It’s been pointed out that of all the Cheerios, she’s just too stupid to be mean, but I’ve always thought she’s smarter than she’s given credit for, and far and away the sweetest person in the Glee club.

Your picks?

Choose Your Three Thieving Companions

Don’t you hate it when you watch a heist movie, and it’s great… except there are no women? The Oceans series, Tower Heist, the original The Italian Job. What, are women incapable of playing with gadgets and stealing multimillions? Can I get a Hell, NO! Well, I’m sick of it, I tells ya!  So: Imagine you’re about to rob a bank/casino/Rupert Murdoch (whichever best suits your conscience). You have three companions to pull of the job. Who would you choose?

My picks:

Stella Bridger in The Italian Job remake. She’s brilliant with her tools, and when she hasn’t got them, quickly learns to do it by instinct.

Virginia Baker in Entrapment. That woman can steal anything from anywhere. She’s swiped the jewelry off you while you were reading this. Yeah, your hand went to your neck/wrist/finger, didn’t it?

Lara Croft.  Because she’s Lara Croft.